Girl, Interrupted...but Then Resumed

At work

2009-06-16T15:28:57Z

I am currently at work.

Let me say that again to let it sink in properly.

***I*** am currently at work.

No boy in my chair today, or ever again. Just me. <3

THC

2009-06-16T00:34:12Z

OMG!

I'm back from Philly!

I had an amazing time. <3

I will give more details later, once I've unwound a little bit more. <3

YAY!

2009-06-02T01:50:03Z

Ooops, I forgot to say anything here! It's done! All is well! I am legally Rachel now!

Today's the day...

2009-06-01T15:37:24Z

5 more hours...

I'm excited and nervous. I'm sure it'll go just fine. =)

In other news, I went out sailing with some friends yesterday. It was fun, but now I'm burnt to a crisp. =P

Two more days...

2009-05-30T20:20:11Z

Just got the last piece of paperwork I needed for the Court, the affidavit from the newspaper that says, yes, I really did get my notice published the required four weeks in a row. Everything is set for Monday now. My trans friend who recently got her name changed through this same court is going to be there for moral support and everything, which is nice, because I'm gonna be all sorts of nervous I think.

I also got the test results back from my doctor. Thyroid's fine. Which is good in its way, but it means I've got to figure out some other reason why I'm cold and have so much trouble losing weight. The doctor said she suspects my metabolism is awfully slow.

I'm simultaneously hot and cold right now. It's rather disconcerting.

Yay long weekend!

2009-05-26T18:35:20Z

Got my weekend off to an early start by taking off an hour early from work. (My boss took off about 2.5 hours before that, so I don't feel too bad about it.) Got my iPod and figured out how to work it and make it happy with my computer (though I think I hate iTunes. Not 100% sure yet, but pretty confident in that assessment.) Then proceeded to spend the rest of the evening re-arranging my bedroom and trying to fight the clutter monster. I think I got a little bit ahead. At least my bed is where I want it now.

Saturday we barbecued up some kebabs, yummy yummy. Then we went out for ice cream at Baskin Robin's. Also yummy yummy. Then one of my girlfriends wanted to get out since she managed to ditch the hubby and kids for an evening and wanted some girl time, so we went out for shakes. Yummy yummy, but awfully overfull at this point. =P Oh well. On the way home I got pulled over, cop wanted to tell me that my headlight and taillight are out. Thankfully most of the police around here are pretty nice, they won't ticket you for stuff like that unless they've told you about it before and you didn't get it fixed. He took my license and registration and stuff and went back to his car to run it. Then he started walking slowly back to my car with his flashlight focused on my docs, examining them nice and close, then he took a good long look at me..."Um, this license says you're male?" "Yes it does. Legally I am." "Oh. Well. Get your car fixed." Gave me my stuff back and I went along my way. Then a few blocks later another cop pulled me over for exactly the same reason. I told him I'd just been pulled over for exactly the same thing, he took my license and called in to see if it had just been run (to double check my story), then sent me along my merry way once he found out it had. So scary, so nerve-wracking. The look on the confused cop's face was priceless though. And I obviously must be doing something right to confuse people so thoroughly.

Sunday morning I tried a little more to get the clutter monster under control, didn't get very far on that though. Then mid-afternoon I went to help one of my friends do some shopping for a baby shower, and then to a StarCraft LAN party. WAY too many nommables, and WAY WAY WAY too much dessert. It'd been way too long since I'd had pizza rolls, though, they were delicious. Stayed up until about 4am, crashed out in the spare bedroom, slept in until about 9 when my grumbly tumbly woke me up (the blankets I was under were kinda toasty and it decided it didn't like being that warm after I'd put so much sugar in it the night before...), then I just kinda hung out with my friends and their kids for most of the day. The kids (2- and 4-year-olds if I'm remembering right) seemed to take quite a liking to me, so I'm finding myself forced to re-think my long-held stance that I'm no good with children. Played a little more StarCraft and then went home, had dinner, and then ended up turning right back around to go out and play camera whore with some other friends (the same ones that took me shopping about a month ago.) We took a LOT of pictures out in one of the pretty parks, spent like two and a half hours out there. The one kept trying to take photos of me while I was changing between sets, thankfully she didn't actually get anything more scandalous than my back when I had my top off one time. I'll see about getting some of those pics up once I get them from her.

My name change hearing is in 6 days. No, I'm not nervous at all, what makes you think that? Heh heh...

Still cold, still waiting to hear back from the doctor. My diet is officially on hold for as long as eating a little extra helps keep me feeling warmer. Hopefully I won't start gaining weight because of this. Also, tired. Long weekend was long, even though it was all kinds of fun.

Cold...so very cold...

2009-05-21T17:46:06Z

Had my doctor's appointment yesterday. The vampires had their way with me and there's two vials of blood off to the lab, one for checking T levels, the other to test for hypothyroidism. The temperature dipped down over the start of the week, which did *NOT* help matters any from the coldness front. I don't know if it's getting worse or if I'm just more aware of it since I've been paying attention to it, but the last few days have been absolute Hell. Seriously cold frozen Hell. As morbid as it might sound to say "I hope I've got hypothyroidism", I kinda do...just because if I do it will explain so many things, and it's easy to treat so it'll put me on the way to fixing all those things.

We also talked HRT while I was there (which was originally the reason I made the appointment). We decided to add in some finasteride for to help get my hairline to fill back in (hopefully) and just to help thicken it up in general. We're also adding in progesterone. The doc wasn't too sure about it because she's not convinced it'll do anything positive and is afraid it'll make me grumpy and gain weight...but I've heard a lot of people say it helped with their physical changes, and with their sex drive (mine has been pretty darn low lately, almost to the point of being non-existant). We agreed that it couldn't hurt much to try it and if the negative outweighs the positive I can always stop taking it. We're keeping the spiro and estradiol levels constant since we haven't seen the changes to my T level yet since the last dosage change, plus it's probably best to only tweak a few variables at a time anyway. =P

Last night I went out to see Star Trek with a couple friends I met through Sonia (yay for having a little piece of her influence still around even though she's gone!) and I thought it was fantastic. It wasn't the best movie I've ever seen in my life but I definitely enjoyed myself. It definitely exceeded my expectations by a lot, but then again almost since I heard of the project I was afraid they were going to be raping Roddenberry's corpse. I'm glad to say I was wrong. There was a lot that was different but since that was actually pretty much a plot point I was willing to forgive them for it. The characters weren't perfect copies of the original series cast, but they definitely invoked memories of them so I'm going to call that a win. All in all, I feel good about recommending the movie to anyone who might be on the fence about it.

Afterwards we went out to this little Vietnamese place I didn't even know existed. I'd never had Vietnamese food before, it wasn't bad though it wasn't my favorite thing ever or anything like that. =P It was still enjoyable, sitting around having a late dinner with the girls. =)

My iPod from Woot should be here tomorrow. Makes me happy. =)

Only 11 more days until my court hearing! I'm so excited and nervous and scared all at once. It'll be so nice to have ID and credit cards that match my presentation. The closer I get to the date the more frustrated I get everytime I have to pull one of them out with the wrong name on it!

Brand new week!

2009-05-18T18:58:41Z

OK, it's a brand new week. I don't have my inventory updating looming over me anymore (at least, not nearly so badly). Graduation was Saturday, and the town cleared out quite nicely over the weekend. My professor friend is thusly rather more free, what with not having classes to teach and papers to grade, etc., so hopefully more hanging out. Boy-type roommate is in the process of moving to the other apartment, so I have redecorating & furniture rearranging possibilities stretching out before me. I should have a nice "new" (i.e. refurb) 8 gig iPod Nano G4 coming very soon (I'm quickly coming to realize that Woot! is dangerous. Very very dangerous.) My new friend from Sonia's going-away party on Thursday set up a Facebook account and tracked me down, thus reassuring me that I'm not the worst Facebook stalker out there (and, you know, giving me that extra point of contact with a new friend =P). On a similar topic, my Facebook friends are multiplying like rabbits. I'm working out times to hang out with several of my friends. One of them is aforementioned roommate of aforementioned cutie I thought I was hitting it off pretty well with (see here for the aforementionings)...who mentioned that said cutie (whom I stupidly don't have any direct contacts with, stupid STUPID Rachel!) is looking forward to seeing me again, thus stroking my ego and giving me more evidence that we were, in fact, hitting it off pretty well. =) I have a doctor's appointment this week to possibly up my HRT dosage, and I'm going to get her to check for evidence of thyroid problems which could potentially explain a HUGE number of things. Treatment for which could potentially FIX said huge number of things. This weekend is Memorial Day, with all the three-day weekend-ness that entails. Also, barbecue & StarCraft LAN with friends. I'm only two weeks away from my name change. Three from my trip. Four from officially transitioning at work, thus making me completely full-time. I'm starting with disturbing regularity to see a really freaking cute girl in the mirror. Emphasis on the really freaking cute. And also on the girl.

If I start getting bitchy and whiny again, slap me hard and link me to this post. My life does *not* suck. I have friends, a decent number of them! I'm not rich but I'm well enough off to buy stuff I don't strictly need just because it's cool and on sale online. Even though I don't get out and do things as often as some people, I *do* do it. Even though there's not all that much to do around here, I can still go hang out with friends - despite what I keep trying to tell myself, there is *nothing* wrong with sitting around chatting with friends, it's not somehow inherently inferior to going to a club or something. Just because I'm not a supermodel does *not* mean I'm ugly. Just because I'm a little on the flat side, or a little round 'round the middle, or not particularly hippy, does *not* mean I can't attract people with my appearance. I could do to lose a little weight just for health reasons, but I'm not fat. I don't have to starve myself and deny myself any sort of treat ever to try and get my weight down, I just need to exercise a little more and eat a little healthier on average and make sure those treats are exactly that - treats.

Have I annoyed everyone thoroughly by being all positive and self-affirming yet? =P Anyway, I'm gonna say it again: if I get depressed and bitchy, slap the stupid out of me and point me here to remind me things don't really suck all that bad.

I've started going back to #YfQ. I'm not exactly as chatty and active as I used to be there, and I'm not there as often as I used to be...but I'm there. Maybe I'll get chattier with time, maybe I'll start being there more with time...I dunno. We'll see how things go.

Goodbyes...

2009-05-15T19:05:55Z

So one of my loverly trans girlfriends is leaving the area, probably never to return. Can't really blame her, it kinda sucks here. =P Last night was her going away party. There was good music, good drinks, fun people and a little bit of pool. For the most part it was a really good evening, though the whole thing was a touch bittersweet because of the occassion. It was for me, anyway. I'm really wishing I could have met her earlier, she's a pretty amazing person. Oh well, there's always e-mail and Facebook.

Friend equilibrium probably maintained though. Met a bunch of new people at the party, there's at least one of them I kinda clicked with, so we might get together and do something sometime. I hope so, now that I'm starting to have friends to do stuff with I'm finding myself rather addicted to it.

Of course, there's one of my closest friends who I kinda screwed things up with earlier in the week. I need to figure out what the hell is going on with my life and what I want out of it, because my confusion and general mental-fucked-up-ed-ness is threatening to drive people away. I just hope I can get it together before I really do scare someone off. u.u

In other news, inventory auditing is a pain.

Well, now I'm commited to going...

2009-05-14T21:05:08Z

Got the official word from the airline: I should get the tickets in the name most likely to be on my ID when I depart. If there is a mismatch between the name on my ID and the name on my tickets, and I can supply an official Court document explaining the mismatch, everything will be A-OK.

Since the worries about my name change not going through are mostly just paranoia...Rachel now has tickets to Philadelphia for THC. If, for some reason, my petition gets denied, I'll get a certified copy of the denied petition from the District Court which will explain the mismatch.

And now that I have non-refundable plane tickets, I can't really talk myself out of going anymore, can I?

On a completely unrelated note: I am freaking *freezing*. It's 52 so there's no real logical reason for it. I'm gonna talk to my doctor next week about the possibility of hypothyroidism...not to sound like an internet hypocondriac but a lot of the symptoms seem to match up.

Yay bouts of depression...

2009-05-14T17:43:29Z

I'm better now. Back to actually making plans for THC.

Now if only Delta would get back to me...need to figure out which name to put on the tickets! How inconvenient that my hearing is a week before my trip...

Second thoughts...

2009-05-12T16:38:31Z

So now I'm debating whether I should go to THC at all...

I don't hang out in #YfQ anymore, so there's a huge portion of the people I could theoretically be going to see down the drain. There's a couple of those people I'd end up trying to actively avoid so I don't punch them in a very un-ladylike manner. When I first decided I was going to go there was a bunch of people I wanted to meet and visit with...now most of those people I don't even talk to anymore. They probably wouldn't even care to meet me if I were there. And the one person that I really am still going to see...(is it even worth a cross country trip and hotel costs for that long to visit one person?)...well, I'm just continuing to delude myself there. She doesn't feel about me the way I feel about her, and me visiting isn't going to somehow magically change that. More likely it'll just end up making me feel worse. I need to just give up on hopeless fantasies and move on. >.>

THC Roomie?

2009-05-11T18:12:10Z

So I'm (finally) getting ready to make my plans for THC and buy plane tickets and reserve a hotel and whatnot...

So...any of you girls (or I guess maybe a boy if you promise to be a gentleman and not try to peek at my boobies) going to be at THC and looking for someone to split a room with?

[EDIT: Something I realized I should mention - I'm planning on arriving in Philly on the 9th and leaving the morning of the 15th. Probably not a whole lot of other people planning on being there that long, but I might as well try.]

Hearing Notice publication accomplished

2009-05-05T16:06:20Z

Whew! Just as they said when I (finally) got ahold of them on Friday...my notice was in the paper today. Everything was even spelled right and everything (a friend of mine's wasn't(!) - thankfully the judge was nice about it and OK'd the change anyway). So that's one last worry off my mind. Now I can go back to being slightly numb with worry until closer to my actual hearing date.

I still need to figure out what to wear...

OMG FANTASTIC WEEKEND!

2009-05-04T18:56:46Z

Thursday night (yes I know Thursday was before my last post now SHUT UP thank you very much! =P) was the birthday party of an adorable little 5 year old belonging to a couple good friends of mine (my old boss from the McHell days and her husband...I swear, she is one of the only things that kept me sane at that job! Well, her and the rest of my McGirlies...) There were chicken kebabs and cake and ice cream and veggies with dip and candy and cheetos and all sorts of goodness. Then afterwards we all sat around watching TV. It was some good times. I got home way too late considering I had to work in the morning, but oh well. =P

Friday night was fantabulous. I went out (well, I suppose it was more of stayed in) with my trans-girlies, plus a couple extras - two more trans girls from a little further away, and the lovely hostess' temporary roommate, a self-described 'man trapped happily in a woman's body'. Who is incredibly hot. And fun to talk to. And hugs REALLY tight. And comfy to snuggle up against. Yeah, Rachel's a bit smitten. We seemed to hit it off pretty well, too, which is totally awesome. We're probably going to get together for lunch sometime soon. Possibly several sometimes. Who knows, this could lead somewhere totally awesome. <3

Anyway, where was I before I got so deliciously distracted? Right, Friday, girlies. We had much talkings, much drinkings (the gal/guy/person mentioned in the last paragraph kept mixing me rum & cokes...which I swear kept getting stronger through the evening...or maybe that's just my imagination...), and delicious delicious spicy venison kebabs (YUM!). All in all it was an amazing night, and not *just* because I spent the tail end of it blissed out in someone's arms. Yeah, yeah, smitten, I get it. I was warm and safe and cuddled, give me a break, I can't help myself! STOP JUDGING ME!!! =P

Saturday was the Ren Faire. It was raining and I couldn't get ahold of the girlie I was gonna go with, so I ended up not going. Ah well. Our Ren Fair here isn't all that great anyway. And I would have been cold and a little sad.

Saturday night, though...Saturday night was the drag show. Always a good time. =) I met up with several of the girlies from Friday night there, which made for more awesome. The performers were awesome as always, the music was fantastic (and fantastically loud, but that's another story), I danced with cute girlies...it was awesome! Except that our lovely hostess from the night before and her hot roommate, who *said* they were going to go, flaked out and didn't show up! Grrrr! I'm going to have to pout cutely at them next time I see them, show them just how sad they made me.

Sunday I woke up with no voice. I think it might have had something to do with A) having to shout to be heard over the music, B) cheering my fool head off at the performers, C) having a rather ill-advised social cigarette at the end of the night, or D) all of the above. Probably D. (Don't worry, I've already been properly chastised for the cigarette, not to mention the fact that I couldn't stand the smell of myself afterward! Not doing that again anytime soon, methinks.) So I went through most of the day barely able to talk. Not that that was stopping me. I bet I could've gotten it to recover faster if I'd managed to just SHUT UP for more than about 5 minutes at any point in the day...yeah, that didn't happen. I'm seriously starting to turn into some sort of social butterfly & chatterbox. I swear, people who knew me pre-transition who haven't seen me since are not going to freaking recognize me. Makes me want to go to my HS 10-year even more, just to freak people the crap out. =P

Sunday afternoon...couple of my McGirlies took me out on a long-delayed shopping trip...they made up for the delay by heaping me full of clothes to try on. Spent several hours being their little dressup doll, I think we made 3 trips to the dressing rooms with the maximum number of items they'd let us or very close to. At one point there was probably around $300-350 worth of stuff in the shopping cart...we pared it down to about $200 THANK THE LADY. Part of me is a little upset at myself for spending that much, but the again I just bought pretty close to a whole new wardrobe (seriously, I got like 6-7 outfits or something) which I really kinda *needed* since I've been short on clothes since going almost full-time, and I was also gonna need more clothes for work since I'm gonna be going the rest of the way full-time so soon...some of what I bought is a bit too scandalous for a work environment but most of it is perfectly A-OK so yay! Then they made me change into one of the new outfits and paraded me around for a few of our other friends, and then we went for dinner - fancy pizza. I only ate half of my little personal pizza, I'm getting better at self control (well, that and I swear I physically just can NOT eat anywhere near as much as I used to!) so yay there, too. Then off to home to play video games for awhile, take a shower, and go to bed early to make up for staying out late 3 nights in a row so that I wouldn't be exhausted for work.

Yeah, right. I was up late again. Not terribly so, but I didn't drag myself to bed until like 11:30 when I'm normally supposed to be asleep by 11 so I can get up at 7. Nowhere near the 9:30-ish I wanted to go to bed at. Guess I'm gonna have to try again tonight, because I was seriously freaking tired still when the alarm went off this morning. Having a social life really digs into the sleep schedule, but it is SO TOTALLY WORTH IT!!!

Frustration, thy name is the fourth estate...

2009-05-01T19:20:36Z

EDIT: Finally heard back, they got it and everything is good, it'll be published starting on Tuesday, which gives most of a week from the last publication for the affidavit to reach me so I can file it. Crisis averted, heart attack over. I think I need to get something for the making of tea at work...

Grrr...two days later and I still haven't heard anything back about getting my hearing notice published in the paper...no response to my follow-up e-mail asking if they'd gotten the first one...no response to either of my calls...I'm on a freaking time limit here, people, it has to be in the paper starting this next week!

June 1st?!?

2009-04-29T20:02:13Z

So, went back to the courthouse this morning. Turns out it's a good thing that I did wait and visit the court assistance office, because there were a few minor mistakes that I needed to correct (the two page form that I had printed front & back HAD to be on two seperate pages, and there was one of the forms that HAD to be typed), plus the lady there was a notary so I was able to get the petition notarized right there. Then it was off to home to scan the documents so I could print off all the copies I needed (yay for using a scanner & printer as my photocopier. =P) Then back to the courthouse to file the petition, pay my fee, and get my court date.

June 1st, 1:30pm.

OMG that's close! That's before I go to THC, even!

After that I had to go to the paper to get the publication request in, only they do the publication requests via e-mail so that was a wasted trip, so it was back home to scan *that* document so I could e-mail it to them. Which is now done. It has to be published for four consecutive weeks before my hearing, so hopefully that'll work out right. I'm sure they wouldn't have assigned that hearing date if it wouldn't, though, so I'm probably alright.

Just barely over a month from now, if all goes to plan...I will officially be Rachel. And Rachel can have her own ID, and her own credit cards, and her own everything, and I can stop getting outed every time I have to break out something with my name on it. You know, as long as they don't look at the stupid little 'M' on the driver's license...bleh.

I hate FedEx so much...

2009-04-29T06:10:39Z

So, my new* laptop was supposed to arrive today...but of course they tried to deliver it while there was no one at home. Why they make residential deliveries at 11:30am while most people are at work I'll never know...anyway. I left a note for the delivery person to try to redeliver at a certain time when I knew there would be people home...but no, of course they couldn't do that. So I had to drive down to the distribution center in Clarkstion, 50 miles away, trying to balance getting there before they closed at 7 and not getting there before the delivery truck returned. Stupid place is back from the road about 100' with no real signage so I drove past it like three times...then it was about 7:10 and I still hadn't found it so I started back for home, breaking into tears over the fact that I'd wasted basically my entire evening for nothing...through some divine providence or something though on my way out I spotted a FedEx truck returning from its deliveries and followed it back to the center (which is the *only* way I ever would have found it, see comment of 100' back with no signage), and thankfully they were willing to get my package for me. The fact that I was still on the verge of tears may have helped with that. So they got the package...which was open on one side. ANGRY! Thankfully it looks like nothing fell out, everything at least appeared to be there. Got home, had tea, did my WoW dailies, had tea, had pickles...feeling better now. Shame I had to spend the majority of my evening driving...

I hate FedEx. SO freaking much.

*It's a refurb, so not "new" new, but still.

Lasers and Legalities

2009-04-28T18:31:26Z

So, this morning was laser session #3. So far there's not as much progress as we'd hoped but there's definitely been some improvement. Hopefully there'll be more after this, though it'll take at least a week or two for me to really be able to see for sure. Everyone cross your fingers for me!

I was also going to file my paperwork for the name change this morning, but the court assistance office doesn't open on Tuesdays until noon, and I really didn't feel good about staying home from work that late. I suppose I could have just filed it anyway but I'd really like to have it looked over before I file it - legal paperwork like this always makes me panicky that I'll do it wrong (you should see me around tax time - I use TurboTax to do my taxes for me and I *still* panic that I'm gonna screw it up!) and I don't want to file it, get to my hearing and then find out that I filled the forms out wrong and have to start over again. So, tomorrow, even though I feel kinda bad about being in to work late two mornings in a row. I suppose it's still better than taking over half the day off today.

It was snowing this morning. It's the end of April, it's not supposed to be snowing anymore. It's supposed to be warm and spring-like. Where's my Spring?!?

Yay hormones...

2009-04-24T04:54:29Z

The crappy thing about being social and having people who I'm close to and who worry about me, is that when I feel like crap I drag them down, too. It seems I can't help but dump my problems on others because somewhere it's wired into my head that it's supposed to make me feel better. In practice, though, it makes me feel worse, because as soon as I realize what I'm doing and that I'm making others feel down because I'm down...well, let's just say it's the start of a vicious downward spiral. It really starts kicking the self-worth issues into overdrive, because if I was a good friend I wouldn't be doing this to everyone. And since I'm not a good friend, I'm not worth worrying over. Which makes me feel even worse, because now I'm dragging down someone who I know deserves so much better than stupid worthless me.

Being alone and lonely makes me depressed. When I get like this, being around people makes me depressed, too. It's a lose-lose scenario...and the worst part is, it's not just me that loses.

It's about a week from the end of the month, isn't it? Yep...right on time. Yay 6 month HRT-versary...

Light a candle

2009-04-23T00:28:44Z

I don't normally do these, but...this one's a bit different.

Please light a candle tonight.
Even though we got justice for one person, one family, how many others are grieving?
Light a candle to remember Angie Zapata, but also to remember the countless others that deserve justice, and have not gotten it.

This originated with wiriamu , please pass it on and repost it.

Rachel who? (Or, what's been going on since I vanished off the face of the internet)

2009-04-22T21:50:14Z

So yeah, I haven't exactly been a good girl when it comes to posting in my journal lately. Sorry about that. Ever since the #YfQ debacle I've kinda withdrawn from a lot of the internet, with a few notable exceptions (you know who you are.) Plus side to this is that I've been spending more of my time with actual flesh-and-blood people (as opposed to you computerized internet people). Minus side is that there's a bunch of you computerized internet people that I miss lots!

So, in the time since I was last here, there's been a *lot* happening in Rachel-land. As you may remember from just before aforementioned debacle, I was getting ready to start up laser on my face. Fast forward a couple of months, I'm two sessions in, with my third set for this coming Tuesday (as in, a week from yesterday). Haven't seen a whole lot of change so far, but I hear that's to be expected. What I *have* seen is promising, however. There's been a definite slowing in the hair growth. Some of the hair is lightening up (color-wise). Right under my chin there's the beginnings of a few bare patches (there may also be other spots that I haven't noticed). So while it's not perfect by any means...there's *definite* signs of improvement, and I have 3 more sessions already lined up and paid for. After I've done 5, there's a further discount for additional sessions, though I didn't get into details on how much that discount is. Depending on how much it would be I may do some additional laser sessions, or I may hop over to electro right away. And of course it'll also depend on the state of my face at that time, whether or not it seems like additional laser is a good way to go.

Though I didn't stay long enough to mention it at the time, shortly before my last appearance, I switched over to something like half- or three-quarter-time. Basically work is the only place I present as male these days, and even there it's kinda borderline sometimes. =P I mean, how male can I be when I carry a purse, have this hair, wear female-style jackets and don't bother to try dropping back to old voice? Oh, and there's also the whole breasts thing, depending on what shirt I wear (some of my shirts are big and loose and hide them, some of them...well, aren't and dont'. =P) Amazingly enough no one's caught on. Oh well, it won't matter for much longer. I'm taking a week off to go to THC...and boy me is never coming back. I've already talked to and gotten the OK from HR, though we still need to sit down and talk about the nuts and bolts of how we're actually going to manage it - things like how we're going to tell everyone, handling the change of name, etc. etc. I've got the name change paperwork still sitting on my desk at home...I'm starting to think that my grand plan of timing it to go through around the same time as my transition at work my be slipping through my fingers. =P Oh well.

I'm starting to handle the whole social thing a lot better now, too. For like the last month I don't think I've ever sat home alone a Friday night - I've been out and about with my girlfriends - anything from heading out to hit a bar to just staying in and playing Pictionary or Guesstures or sometimes even Guitar Hero. Or just talking until the wee hours of the morning. The big thing isn't what we're doing, though...it's the fact that I'm doing it with friends instead of sitting at home alone. Now I've just gotta figure out the step from doing things with friends to doing things with new people. I am seriously bad at meeting people. =P

On the topic of meeting people...THC! I'm totally going this year (as I mentioned up a paragraph or two), though I should probably get started on things like reserving a hotel room and buying plane tickets in the very near future. Gonna finally get to meet and spend time with my loverly mutually-adopted sister wiriamu . Not to mention all the other wonderful people in the area, or who will be temporarily in the area for the conference. I'm really looking forward to meeting some of my computerized internet people. And also to coming home and making a fresh start at work as Rachel. =) I'm probably going to be looking for someone who might be interested in sharing a hotel room - I *could* afford one by my onesies, but it'd be better if I didn't spend that much, and it would probably be better from a socializing point of view if I shared. So, um...if there's anyone who reads me who will be there and might be looking for a cute redhead to share a room with...or if you know someone else who might...let me know?

Anyway...there's apparantly ice cream in the office downstairs for everyone...so I'm gonna go partake of that. Laters, love you all!

New icon (again)

2009-04-22T03:41:07Z

Yeah, yeah, I know. I haven't posted in way too long. Sorry. u.u

*throws a new picture to the angry masses to placate them*

[EDIT @ 200904221029: Full size pic at http://pics.livejournal.com/ceiranjamie/pic/0000ky0k - it's the same pic, just not shrunk and cropped.]
[EDIT @ 200904221330: Oh yeah, LJ doesn't automagically convert strings starting with http:// to hyperlinks...fixed.]

New icon

2009-03-12T03:22:57Z

I has a new pic, as you can see. It's already my icon everywhere else, might as well put it up here, too. =P

On safe spaces (Or, To the #YfQ crowd, Part 2)

2009-02-16T21:58:53Z

Part I

So apparently everyone's 2nd favorite attention-seeking problem child (the 1st being, of course, myself - at least that's the impression I got talking to the ops the other day, that they think of me as an attention-seeking problem child) has been "asked to leave" the channel. Only took 3-4 months from the time I first brought up the fact that she was making the room unsafe for the ops to take this not-particularly-decisive action. Seriously, "asked to leave"? What, something like "Oh, my dear, terribly sorry for the inconvenience, but there's a few rabble-rousing troublemakers who apparently feel threatened and uncomfortable with you around...so as much as I hate to ask this of such a fine and upstanding citizen, could you maybe possibly not be around? At least when they're here? Many thanks, sorry for the trouble, sure it'll all blow over soon."?

Especially given the fact that, when I first brought the matter up, the response was "Oh, I'm sure she'll do something explicitly against the rules before too long and then we'll be able to ban her." If you are that certain the person is going to cause a problem, there's no reason not to act right away. When said person then proceeds to do things that are explicitly against the rules, and they're still not removed...

When a supposedly safe space is left unsafe for months at a time before any action is taken, it's not really a safe space anymore. When the action that's finally taken is so transparently appeasement, it's not really a safe space anymore. When there's no indication that the action finally taken has any sort of permanence, it's not really a safe space anymore. When the people who bring these problems to the attention of the moderators are told that *they're* the ones causing problems, one has to wonder if it was *ever* really a safe space. How can anyone trust a place to be safe under these conditions? If you can't trust the people in charge of a "safe space" to take appropriate action to *keep* it safe, then it can't be considered safe anymore.

tl;dr version: Yes, I know she's gone. No, I'm not coming back. Due to the apathy of the ops, it's no longer possible for me to feel comfortable and safe in that channel.